@Harbinger_one

Only thing I Iike about kids, is their ability to attract ice cream trucks

@Harbinger_one

Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-11 last night. Hope I don’t catch slurpees.

@Harbinger_one

This mouthbreathing, fat creepy dude at work baked a cake and wrote, “Eat cake if you want to be my girlfriend” on it. I’m so torn right now

@Harbinger_one

Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives.

@Harbinger_one

Some call it alcoholism, I call it “keeping my emotions hydrated”

@Harbinger_one

I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.