When the instructions say so easy a child could do it, I assume you mean one of those genius 12-year-olds who double major at MIT.
Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?
Waving my hand impatiently in front of the automatic door sensor so everyone knows I am too important to wait for electricity.
You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I’m stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.
My long legs mean I can emerge gracefully from an SUV. After that, every step looks like I was just released from a zero gravity experiment.
First 20 minutes driving through farm country: “Isn’t this pretty?”
Next 3 hours: *can’t remember a life before corn*
Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let’s see what else is lying around first.
Words I thought I would never have to yell from the kitchen into the living room: “DON’T GIVE THE CAT SCOTCH!”
If you’ve ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11.
Let’s have some fun! I’m up for anything today!*
*As long as there aren’t too many stairs.