You can totally mistake a slipper for a cat when you don’t have your glasses on. Even after you pet it, you can’t be sure.
Are you a guest? No, you aren’t. You live here. *takes away napkin and hands you a paper towel*
You travel 3500 miles to the breathtaking 15th-century mountaintop Inca citadel, Machu Picchu. The gift shop is not great.
Not fat, but not super thin either. I’m more like…what’s the word? Oh, I know. Terrifying.
The card you sent said “Peace on Earth” but the glitter on my hand says you have made a powerful enemy.
[poking you repeatedly in the shoulder] I’ll keep this up until you acknowledge me. I’ve got nowhere else to be.
Guys, we’ve lost the battle on “I could care less.” Let’s move forward, focus on “should of.”
A Person Who Cares has informed me there’s a helium shortage, which I knew.
She said “it’s not just for balloons,” which I also knew.
She asked me if could even name three other uses for helium, which I did.
It was a tough day for A Person Who Cares.
Right now, someone likes something you don’t and other people are agreeing. You just gonna sit there and let that happen?
Less concerned about the rotten apples than the really stupid ones.