When a woman asks you to smell something, it usually smells good.
Men on the other hand…
If the couch is barking, you’re sitting on the dog.
I miss the days when Twitter fights were about whether to pour the milk first or the cereal.
Today, i tried to run with a mask on, but i couldn’t.
It reminded me of those times when i tried to run without a mask and still couldn’t.
Everyone: New year resolutions.
2021: When will they learn…
-Me: [Turns off the light, finally gets to sleep]
– Brain: Wait. Who the hell closes the bus door when the driver’s out?
Crazy how they’re still wasting money on sleep research, when we all already know that the necessary sleep time is five minutes more.
As my grandma used to say, if a bear is sitting on your couch, you’ve drunk too much. If you’re not drunk, why aren’t you running?
I wonder what ppl in the year 78 BC thought C stood for.
Is it really based on a true story when actors are hotter than the characters they play?