Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HeidiCF8's best tweets

@HeidiCF8 : I licked 8 lollipops and sealed them in ziplocs during my stomach flu if anyone needs to lose 5lbs by the weekend.

@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.

@HeidiCF8: Dyslexic, but I have a cunning stunt.

@HeidiCF8: Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord.

@HeidiCF8: Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I like cake.

@HeidiCF8: I'm going to write "I miss you" on a rock. Then throw it at your face. I just want you to know how much it hurts..