Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@HeidiCF8 : I licked 8 lollipops and sealed them in ziplocs during my stomach flu if anyone needs to lose 5lbs by the weekend.
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.
@HeidiCF8: Dyslexic, but I have a cunning stunt.
@HeidiCF8: Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord.
@HeidiCF8: Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I like cake.
@HeidiCF8: I'm going to write "I miss you" on a rock. Then throw it at your face. I just want you to know how much it hurts..