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Page of HepatitisAtoZ's best tweets

@HepatitisAtoZ : me: "it hurts when i pee"

doctor: "quit peeing on my desk and ill stop hitting you!"

@HepatitisAtoZ: kid: whats the meaning of life?

me: life is like a bag of Doritos, when you get to a point where you think youve had enough, you notice there isnt much left in the bag, so you just power through to the end

kid: where do babies come from?

me: babies are like a bag of Doritos...

@HepatitisAtoZ: hand-to-hand combat, but its just two mimes trying to establish dominance by pushing on opposite sides of the same imaginary box's wall

@HepatitisAtoZ: me: "youre serving Blue Curacao? so its a boy! congrats man!"

friend: "for the third time, this is not a gender reveal party and please stop drinking the Windex. i think it is causing permanent damage"

me: "so, have you picked any names yet?"

@HepatitisAtoZ: you: *finger guns*

me: *collapses*

you: *thinking im dead, lowers your finger guns*

me: *quickly rolls on my side, points my finger guns at you*

you: *freezes*

me: *unbuttons my shirt to reveal a finger-proof vest*

you: *starts to raise your finger guns

me: *finger guns*

@HepatitisAtoZ: her, deep in thought: *does that cute thing where she puts the tip of the frames of her glasses in her mouth*

me, deeper in thought: *eats my glasses*

@HepatitisAtoZ: corny joke guy that everyone hates: "whats the difference between a piano and a fish? you can tune a piano but you cant-

me: *pulls out my perfectly tuned sardine harp and begins to play Pantera's "Cowboys From Hell"

@HepatitisAtoZ: even if i become ranked as a grand master in chess im still going to call it a horsey

@HepatitisAtoZ: the corner of the glass coffee table stalks its prey, ready to attack the shin of any unlucky soul that sleepily stumbles in striking range

@HepatitisAtoZ: cashier: "would you like to donate to fight hunger?"
me: "oh, hunger wants to rumble?"
*dip knuckles in syrup & then in Cheerios
"im ready"