@Hobo_Splendido

Him: I started taking Prevagen two years ago and my memory’s really improved
Her: You started five years ago
Him: Yeah, five years ago

@Hobo_Splendido

Her: Want to have sex?
Me: Yes
H: And maybe we can meet back here after?

@Hobo_Splendido

I improve my body image by watching shows with increasingly fatter characters

@Hobo_Splendido

“Would you like the tuna fish casserole?”

“No thanks, I’ll take the pig ham sandwich”

@Hobo_Splendido

Chewing sugarless gum instead of brushing your teeth is the dry shampoo of dental care

@Hobo_Splendido

Girlfriend and I always got excited about going to a hotel so we could each have our own bed