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@HollyMemphis : *writes "Place sacrifice here" on baby changing station in Wal-Mart bathroom*
@HollyMemphis: Terminator: "Come with me if you want to live."
Me: "Oh, no thank you."
@HollyMemphis: When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
@HollyMemphis: Dentist: "When was the last time you flossed?"
Me: "BRO, you were there."
@HollyMemphis: Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head,
"Guess who got laid last night?"
@HollyMemphis: Friend: "I just blew a speaker in my car."
Me: "Which kind?"
@HollyMemphis: Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors
@HollyMemphis: Every motorcycle cop is a liquid terminator until proven otherwise.
@HollyMemphis: If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?