Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of Holy_Mowgli's best tweets

@Holy_Mowgli : me: is there anything i can do about my dry skin

dermatologist: aloe

me: hi is there anything i can do about my dry skin

@Holy_Mowgli: sister in law asked me to get yellow onion from the store. lady it’s called a lemon

@Holy_Mowgli: america, 1969: let’s put a man on the moon

teletubbies, 1997: we’re gonna put a baby in the sun

@Holy_Mowgli: Clark Kent: *absentmindedly takes off his glasses*

Lois Lane: oh my god are you … a plane?

@Holy_Mowgli: BARTENDER: *wiping a glass* what'll it be

ME: I'll have a dirty martini

BARTENDER: *stops wiping glass*

@Holy_Mowgli: her: did you know Weezer covered Africa

me: [impressed] with what

@Holy_Mowgli: baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold

mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear

@Holy_Mowgli: Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated

@Holy_Mowgli: peter parker, bitten by radio-active spider: *donates $65 to NPR*