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Page of Holy_Mowgli's best tweets

@Holy_Mowgli : sister in law asked me to get yellow onion from the store. lady it’s called a lemon

@Holy_Mowgli: america, 1969: let’s put a man on the moon

teletubbies, 1997: we’re gonna put a baby in the sun

@Holy_Mowgli: Clark Kent: *absentmindedly takes off his glasses*

Lois Lane: oh my god are you … a plane?

@Holy_Mowgli: BARTENDER: *wiping a glass* what'll it be

ME: I'll have a dirty martini

BARTENDER: *stops wiping glass*

@Holy_Mowgli: her: did you know Weezer covered Africa

me: [impressed] with what

@Holy_Mowgli: baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold

mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear

@Holy_Mowgli: Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated

@Holy_Mowgli: peter parker, bitten by radio-active spider: *donates $65 to NPR*