Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Holy_Mowgli's best tweets

@Holy_Mowgli : Clark Kent: *absentmindedly takes off his glasses* Lois Lane: oh my god are you … a plane?

@Holy_Mowgli: BARTENDER: *wiping a glass* what'll it be

ME: I'll have a dirty martini

BARTENDER: *stops wiping glass*

@Holy_Mowgli: her: did you know Weezer covered Africa

me: [impressed] with what

@Holy_Mowgli: baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold

mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear

@Holy_Mowgli: Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated

@Holy_Mowgli: peter parker, bitten by radio-active spider: *donates $65 to NPR*

@Holy_Mowgli: DARTH VADER: i need to let luke know he's my son and that I still love him

THERAPIST: what do you think is the best way to do that

DARTH VADER: imma cut off his hand