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@HomeProbably : Twitter: Just chilling with my cat.
Cat Twitter: My human won’t leave me alone.
@HomeProbably: Let's walk and talk.
You go that way.
@HomeProbably: Nearly all murders are committed by someone you know, so you are statistically far safer in life if you don’t have any friends.
@HomeProbably: When someone says they love me to the moon and back, I tell them that’s only about 500,000 miles and I expect more tbh.
@HomeProbably: I thought getting old would include more naps, but I’m starting to suspect that old people only close their eyes to ignore everyone.
@HomeProbably: I always thought that saying, 'the more, the merrier' was referring to alcohol, not people.
Now it doesn't make any sense at all.
@HomeProbably: Dogs can't talk and everyone loves them.
This is not a coincidence.
@HomeProbably: You: Hold my beer.
Me: *drinks it because I’m not a table*
@HomeProbably: A dog just came up to me to say hello and the owner dragged him off.
Jealousy will get you nowhere, pal.
@HomeProbably: When someone says they were shook, I presume they meant as a baby.