@HomeProbably
I’ve never had a problem stepping up to the plate.
We’re talking about food, right?
@HomeProbably
@HomeProbably
Social media is proof that even when you fire your gun in the air, someone will pretend one of those bullets hit them.
@HomeProbably
My neighbours were furious last time I held a yard sale.
I sold their house.
@HomeProbably
[first date]
Her: I want a man who’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind.
Me: What happened to your eyebrows?
Her: Not like that.
@HomeProbably
This is a terrible time for kidnappers.
@HomeProbably
Therapist: and what do we say when your coworkers start to annoy you?
Me: if I see you outside I’m going to run you over.
Therapist: what? No.
@HomeProbably
That’s not a tweet.
Alcohol: Yes it is.
@HomeProbably
“You look tired”
Well you’re crap at compliments.
@HomeProbably
Twitter: Just chilling with my cat.
Cat Twitter: My human won’t leave me alone.
@HomeProbably
Let’s walk and talk.
You go that way.