They’re saying I put a stuffed animal in the toilet. Untrue. I sent it on a mission to retrieve my toy cars.
So quick to claim someone on your taxes yet so slow to make them a snack.
Toddler: I don’t like you. *hits*
Adult: I don’t like you. *tracks your movements for the rest of your life*
If you are what you eat I’m a small family of ladybugs 🙂
Toilet won’t stop throwing up. I didn’t know it was Legos intolerant. SEND HELP THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Parents: It’s unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you’re not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.
Tonight’s bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.