@Hormonella

Funny how the more time we spend at home, the more we look like homeless people.

@Hormonella

Whatever doesn’t kill you wakes you up at 5:00 AM on Sunday.

@Hormonella

Getting colagen injections in my lips next week ’cause, you know, ’tis the season to be Jolie.

@Hormonella

I need a pet that is quiet, obedient and doesn’t jump on the furniture.

I think I need a hard boiled egg.

@Hormonella

Add mushrooms to any salad for that farm fresh taste of dirt.

@Hormonella

God: Let’s give them the ability to feel remorse.

Satan: I like that. Say, from 2:00 – 4:00 AM?

@Hormonella

If you can’t be with the dog you love, pat the dog you’re with.