@Hormonella

Friends and neighbors have been baking for me but if they really care they should just pitch in to buy me larger sweatpants.

@Hormonella

General Anesthesia implies the existence of Major Anesthesia.

@Hormonella

Dons gloves and bandana.

Saunters into restaurant.

THIS IS A TAKE OUT!

@Hormonella

If you’re stupid enough to start a massive fire with a “gender reveal” explosion, you should name the child Arson.

@Hormonella

Funny how the more time we spend at home, the more we look like homeless people.

@Hormonella

Whatever doesn’t kill you wakes you up at 5:00 AM on Sunday.

@Hormonella

Getting colagen injections in my lips next week ’cause, you know, ’tis the season to be Jolie.

@Hormonella

I need a pet that is quiet, obedient and doesn’t jump on the furniture.

I think I need a hard boiled egg.