By the end of shelter at home, my house will be spotless. Oh sure, I’ll be drunk and confused, but so will the germs.
I haven’t won anything since I did my kid’s fifth grade science fair project.
You learn something new every day.
Except yesterday. Yesterday was a washout.
My efforts to lose weight are starting to pay off. I gained only three pounds this month.
When the world is about to end, I hope we know about it in advance so I can stop doing laundry.
My husband isn’t drinking while he trains for a marathon. There’s all this pressure on me to be supportive, so, reluctantly, I’m now drinking for both of us.
My husband ran 13 miles this morning for fun. I had cookies for breakfast. It’s nice to be the sane one for a change.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
It’s only a matter of time before the zombies are afraid to eat our brains because we’re such idiots.
My son was so excited to get a text from his beloved mama, he responded only eight hours later with a heartfelt “aight.”