There’s no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Friend: “Did you bring condoms?”
Me: “No need. If I’m drunk enough to talk to a girl, I’m way too drunk to get it up.”
There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks
“Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight…? You’re so radical!” How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend