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@Humor_Fetish : There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.
@Humor_Fetish: Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
@Humor_Fetish: Friend: "Did you bring condoms?"
Me: "No need. If I'm drunk enough to talk to a girl, I'm way too drunk to get it up."
@Humor_Fetish: There's a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
@Humor_Fetish: I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks
@Humor_Fetish: "Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight...? You're so radical!" How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend