@HysteriaBarbie

My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is

@HysteriaBarbie

Relationship status: DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU CALLED A STORMTROOPER A ROBOT

@HysteriaBarbie

Me: Shot through the heart
911: What is your location?
Me: And you’re to blame
911: Pardon?
Me: You give love a bad name
911: I’m hanging up

@HysteriaBarbie

I like to put my passengers as ease by pointing out where all the airbags are. Ending the safety message with “Just in case I crash again”