@IRLPepperMD

[luigi places a hand on mario’s shoulder after falling off rainbow road for the millionth time]
We’re plumbers dude

@IRLPepperMD

*parents come into my room*
“We need to talk to you… We think you’re an owl.”
*turns neck all the way around to face them*
“Who- I MEAN WHY”

@IRLPepperMD

[guy wearing a ski mask holds a gun to my head] “please go skiing with me I am so alone”

@IRLPepperMD

“You think I’m immature? Well, you know what! Our relationship is-”

*holds up imaginary walky-talky*

“Chhh-over.”

@IRLPepperMD

*talking to mailman*
So are you like, made of mail?
*mailman laughs* “sure, kid”
So that must mean..
*fireman & garbageman walk by*
Holy shi

@IRLPepperMD

*sees spider in the shower*
Oh jeez I’m sorry lock the door next time buddy

@IRLPepperMD

[911 call]
IM GETTING EATEN-
*pause*
Ok one sec.
*holds phone away from mouth*
Are you an alligator or a crocodile?
*pause*
Cool. ITS A CRO-

@IRLPepperMD

“This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see ’em!”
“But I can’t-”
“Now!”
*t-rex panics*