@IamJackBoot
It tastes fantastic but it takes forever to make. What should we call it? A trifle? Yeah, that makes sense.
@IamJackBoot
@IamJackBoot
I saw some martial arts guy on TV do one of those spinning kick things and, honestly, it looked pretty easy.
What I’m trying to say is I need an ambulance.
@IamJackBoot
Me: Did you like that story?
5: Yes, I love Goldilocks.
Me: Of course they had to change the ending for kids.
5: There’s another ending? Tell me.
Me: You don’t need to know.
5: Tell me, Tell me!
Me: They’re BEARS for God’s sake. How do you THINK it ended?!
@IamJackBoot
A spider monkey isn’t very rare but its parents are. Just try finding a spider that drunk.
@IamJackBoot
You take the garbage out and forget to put a new liner in the kitchen trash can and your family throws garbage in anyway because team work.
@IamJackBoot
When Fred Willard got arrested for lewd behavior in an adult movie theater I was shocked. Where did he find an adult movie theater?
@IamJackBoot
Questions about some hypothetical situations.
– Are there any special laws against people who forget to feed their guinea pig?
– Do guinea pigs have vengeful ghosts?
@IamJackBoot
When there’s a forklift accident they have to put the forklift down because once a forklift gets a taste of human blood…
@IamJackBoot
Cobra & Mongoose. He’s a cobra… she’s a mongoose. They say opposites attract but can two unlikely partners find love? No. Oh jeeezus, don’t look.
@IamJackBoot
DM from account I don’t follow: “Hi”
Click on account
Follows – 7
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AVI – Pretty girlMe: Okay, I can work with this.