Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Ilovelamp1979's best tweets

@Ilovelamp1979 : The elderly almost never expect a leg sweep.

@Ilovelamp1979: Cocaine is never a solution, until it's dissolved in water.

@Ilovelamp1979: Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.

@Ilovelamp1979: This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car.

@Ilovelamp1979: I'm not a violent person. I just really enjoy assisting people in falling down.

@Ilovelamp1979: Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.

@Ilovelamp1979: RT if you love puppies, rainbows or beating the shit out of strangers for not saying "Thank You", after you've held the door for them.

@Ilovelamp1979: I was late to work because I was having car trouble.

And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.

@Ilovelamp1979: My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie.

Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea

@Ilovelamp1979: One of the worst things about tweeting while driving is all of the people that seem to appear out of nowhere on the sidewalk.