As a mother, I knew one day I would have to deal with the issue of bullying. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and to my fish.
Me: Remember life before kids? We were making moves, taking chances, paid for everything in cash. Yeah, we made a few bad investments & did jail time, but man, we had fun!
Husband: Are you talking about Monopoly?
M: Yes. The kids suck at it & I always have to be the thimble.
If it wasn’t for doing triple jump in high school, I wouldn’t be able to put on jeans.
My 3yo and 4yo are screaming at each other about privacy. Isn’t it ironic?
Quarantine Day 23: Today the kids and I made shivs…fine, we sharpened pencil crayons for a craft. But by the end of it, I definitely felt like stabbing someone.
Dad: My mom warned me that nothing good ever happens after midnight.
Doctor: Sir, do you want to cut your baby’s umbilical cord or not?
Lube but for my dry humor.