@Inconsteveable

My New Year’s resolutions:

1. Stop making lists.

B. Be more consistent.

7. Learn to count.

@Inconsteveable

Me: “Can I leave work half an hour early?”

Boss: “Only if you make up the time.”

“OK. It’s 35 past 50.”

Boss: “Just go..”

@Inconsteveable

“Did you realise that a woman’s “I’ll be ready in five minutes” and a man’s “I’ll be home in five minutes” are exactly the same?”

@Inconsteveable

Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.