@IndecisiveJones: me: what’s your favorite farm animal?

owen wilson: cow

@IndecisiveJones: me: you take my breath away!

scuba instructor: sir, just give me the tank

@IndecisiveJones: [donut shop]

me: I’ll take a bear claw

*loud roar from the back*

me: never mind, I’ll take a glaze

@IndecisiveJones: Alice: I’m late.

White Rabbit: Haha, that’s my line

Alice:

White Rabbit:

Alice: *stares*

White Rabbit: oh shit

@IndecisiveJones: Receptionist: Welcome to hell!
Me: But it’s so nice...
R: Obviously silly
Me: But
R: Have a cookie
Me:
R: Satan will see you soon
Me: *bites cookie* Oatmeal raisin
R: Oh these are chocolate chip
Me: *bites cookie* Oatmeal raisin
R: Maybe these?
Me: *bites cookie* Oatmeal raisin

@IndecisiveJones: I’m fairly confident I could live in a desert, I’ve gone years without drinking water.

@IndecisiveJones: Inside me are two wolves, I should’ve stopped eating after the first one.

@IndecisiveJones: I’m not a fan of diarrhea jokes, I mean that shits been done all over the place.

@IndecisiveJones: Me: *holding a devil’s food cake*

Satan:

Me:

Satan: Give it back...