@IndecisiveJones
Pacifist? No, I think all oceans are beautiful
@IndecisiveJones
@IndecisiveJones
me: you take your job a little too seriously
bouncer: *jumping up and down* what
@IndecisiveJones
[first day selling houses]
me: shits about to get realty
@IndecisiveJones
is the plural of judas judasses or judi
@IndecisiveJones
my wife said she was trash, so i said that must make me an opossum, and i think we just renewed our vows
@IndecisiveJones
therapist: and when do you think your trust issues started
me: when I found out all the skittles are the same flavor
therapist: wait, what
@IndecisiveJones
[walking into a store on september 1st]
employee: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
@IndecisiveJones
moses: 9 commandments, goddamn that’s a lot of rules
god: OH NO YOU DIDN’T
@IndecisiveJones
crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle
@IndecisiveJones
shepherd: SWEET CAROLINE
sheepdog: god i hate this guy
sheep: BAH BAH BAH
sheepdog: ok i hate all of you