nothing kills high school nostalgia faster than a scroll down your facebook feed


shark tank judge: nobody is going to want to buy your ghost pants

me: just wait, this time next year, boo khakis are gonna be everywhere!


bartender: what’s wrong with you

best man: they kicked me out because i dropped the mike after the wedding toast

bartender: well that’s excessive-

best man: mike is the groom


scrooge: who are you

ghost: i’m the ghost of christmas present

scrooge: so santa claus



me: [holding knife] ok i’m not gonna cry this time

onion: hey remember the end of that movie about the dog


me: you take your job a little too seriously

bouncer: *jumping up and down* what