@IndecisiveJones
me: all I know is that to me, you look like you’re having fun, open up your lovin’ arms, watch out here I come
other kids: ok no, you’re not allowed to play red rover anymore
@IndecisiveJones
@IndecisiveJones
gryffindor: i only want the bravest
slytherin: i only want the most cunning
ravenclaw: i only want the smartest
hufflepuff: WOW you guys are pretentious
@IndecisiveJones
me: i’m sorry i haven’t been on twitter much lately, my employer says i’m expendabl-
boss: *leans in and whispers*
me: essential. they say i’m essential.
@IndecisiveJones
[at a restaurant]
me: i think i misread your tinder bio
squirtle: squirtle.
@IndecisiveJones
wayward son: alright, i’m done, where’s the pizza
kansas: no we said PEACE when-
wayward son: you’re screwing with me right
@IndecisiveJones
*weird horror movie sounds*
me: it’s okay, it was just the cat
cat: ah hell nah
me: what?
demon: meow?
@IndecisiveJones
[day 1 of covid homeschooling]
me: alright, it says we have to do some-
8yo: *bursts into tears*
@IndecisiveJones
me: hear me out, you know how everybody LOVES prince, well what if there were two of him?
spin doctors: that’s genius
@IndecisiveJones
if your cat keeps trying to make noise but nothing is coming out, check and make sure they didn’t get stuck on mewt
@IndecisiveJones
[creating scorpions]
satan: hey god, can I borrow that lobster for just a second