@Inferno_V

*starts new diet*

“Do not drink caffeine”

*ends new diet*

@Inferno_V

Friends come and friends go.

Just make sure to hang on to the ones that think you are funny.

And the ones that bring beer.

@Inferno_V

Instill fear in your spouse by telling them they talk in their sleep.

@Inferno_V

“Don’t put your brother in the fridge” is something I never thought I’d say, yet here I am.

@Inferno_V

There’s 2 types of idiots in the world.

1. You
2. All the other idiots

@Inferno_V

As a mother of four, I am often asked what is the best way to child proof your home.

A: Send them outside to play and lock all the doors.

@Inferno_V

6: Mommy where are you putting your cameltoe this year?

Me:

6: I like it

Me: It’s mistletoe son

@Inferno_V

A grown man smelling like baby powder stood next to me today.

My maternal instincts have never been so confused.