Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of InternetHippo's best tweets

@InternetHippo : As an economist, I know the best system is where precisely 12 people have all the money and let it sit idle in offshore accounts

@InternetHippo: I made a graph that describes every human relationship I've had

@InternetHippo: Depression is an evolutionary adaptation, predators can't eat you if you don't leave your house

@InternetHippo: A girl I went on two dates with told me I’m mysterious and I realized she’s never met someone boring before

@InternetHippo: Commenting “this aged poorly” on my friend’s wedding anniversary posts from several years ago now that she’s getting divorced

@InternetHippo: My advice is be an absolute scumbag for the first 20-30 years of your life, then everyone will be super impressed when you start doing the bare minimum

@InternetHippo: Nice plot you got there, it'd be a shame if it were to...thicken

@InternetHippo: A boot camp for people who are uncomfortable accepting compliments where a drill sergeant aggressively yells nice things at you

@InternetHippo: Shame on you if you're still replying "damn" to selfies. Take a creative writing class.
As the cedars outside my window
swayed with the gentle autumn breeze,
I gazed upon your digital image, madam,
And my bowl of spaghetti fell to the floor
As, nearly, did I...