@InternetHippo

Politics is so confrontational now. I miss the old days, when we settled our differences with *raises glasses to look at history book* war

@InternetHippo

*clicks on video called How to Cut a Pineaple* This is what I need

Video (32:56): The pineapple first appeared in South America over 500 ye

@InternetHippo

superhero movie: this already insanely hot person discovers they have numerous additional gifts

me: this is relatable as hell

@InternetHippo

me: i just love traveling!

my basketball coach: that’s what i want to talk to you about

@InternetHippo

doctor: your wife has gone into labour

me: oh no

wife (yelling from a distance): RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE

@InternetHippo

Me: Going to stop being mad. Maybe take up meditation

Person in front of me at Chipotle: I’m ordering for 5 people

Me: I will kill you

@InternetHippo

ME: People should be able to say what they want w/o consequences, that’s the essence of free speech
SOMEONE: You suck
ME: Call the police

@InternetHippo

[making money] Ugh this is boring and awful. But at least spending it will be nice!

[spending money] Ah no this feels bad also

@InternetHippo

[Martian welcoming party]
We’re so excited to welcome our friends from Ear—ok it’s another robot car everybody. Why do they keep doing this

@InternetHippo

CNN, 1939: Invading Poland made him sexy 😉

CNN, 1940: Hitler has developed a disturbing penchant for invasions