@InternetHippo

Beer keg at party
-boring
-played out
-there are better ways to drink beer

The keg is full of soup
-now we’re talkin baby
-let’s party
-soup

@InternetHippo

Personality test: do you tend to keep to yourself
Me: Yes
Personality test: you are an introvert
Me: Holy shit

@InternetHippo

I feel tired and weak. Probably just getting older and nothing is wrong. Well, time to read the news

@InternetHippo

“This bacteria can live dormant in your body for decades” big deal buddy that’s what I’m doing too

@InternetHippo

putting “lying on resumes” under the skills section of my resume to see if anyone reads this shit

@InternetHippo

“you’re an adult why do you watch cartoons” bc cartoons are infinitely more relatable

movie: character encounters a problem and effectively resolves it in 2 hours

cartoon: just insane bullshit happening all the time and it’s on for 20 years

@InternetHippo

Movie super villains always have wild origins stories like “Fell into radioactive goo” or “Possessed by alien” when a more realistic and gritty one would be “Attended Harvard”

@InternetHippo

Arguing about whether to hang toilet paper “over” or “under” is two sides of the same coin, and keeps you in the frame defined for you by capitalism. Wake up and realize that the true working class move is letting it sit on the counter and never hanging it at all

@InternetHippo

I got a letter from a bill collector saying this is the last time they will attempt to contact me, so this problem really solved itself