I love walking down the street smiling to myself. It really freaks people out. Especially if my trousers are round my ankles.
Me: Can I buy that chandelier?
Store guy: Of course. Are you putting it up yourself?
Me: No, I’m hanging it from the ceiling.
Her: Can I see your phone?
Me: Cu-caw! Cu-caw! Cu-caw! **Flaps imaginary wings and flys into another room**
My neighbour finally confronted me about clothes missing from her washing line.
I nearly shit her pants.