*writing suicide letter
Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I’m gone…
SO MUCH BLOOD!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
-It’s raining men.
Cats make the best boyfriends because they’re soft, loyal, and won’t claim they’re straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!
God: Finally a day of rest. I could really use a chicken sandwich and a milkshake.
*walks up to Chick-fil-A*
OH COME ON!!
The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don’t have to share your snacks.
Geppetto: Whew it’s a cold one.
G: Fire’s running low.
G: Wonder *sharpens axe* where I could get some wood.
James is coming over.
“James from work or James who thinks he’s a leprechaun?”
J: TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YA!
“I’ll hide the Lucky Charms.”
Hideous monsters for sale! Selling cheap! Crazy wild beasts! Won’t last long!
“Honey, stop trying to sell the kids.”
Me: Screw you, Tuesday!
Tuesday: I have a boyfriend.
Pharmacies could save a lot of hassle and just have customers walk through a denim detector to see if they’re cooking meth.