“Paper or pl..”
..astic! OMG we finish each other’s sentences! You complete mmmm…
“I’m not saying ‘me'”
ME! OMG we did it again!
Hey Dads who think that being home with the kids alone is called “babysitting”. You’re wrong. It’s called “parenting”. Not the same.
Next time a dude says “Pictures or it didn’t happen”, punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn’t funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired.
Server: Want one of our famous milkshakes?
Me: Well, I saw your yard and it was empty.
Me: No boys.
Me: No thanks.