Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JJSummertime's best tweets

@JJSummertime : Which burns more calories? Putting on a wet swim suit or wrestling a sports bra?

@JJSummertime: Being a mother is really quite rewarding.
At tax time.

@JJSummertime: My husband's family tree is more like a rosebush.
It's filled with pricks.

@JJSummertime: Show me a good ab workout and I'll show you what looks like an alligator stuck on its back.

@JJSummertime: Me: So how are you going to finance your second year of college?
Daughter: *drops a "Swear Jar" onto the counter*

@JJSummertime: My kid actually changed her sheets today but only because the old ones desperately crawled to the laundry room on their own.

@JJSummertime: My kid found a Disney movie marathon on tv and I found Captain Morgan in the freezer. Life is about balance.

@JJSummertime: My age reversal cream is working. It gave me zits.

@JJSummertime: You guys realize "business up front, party in the back" is only about mullets, right?

@JJSummertime: Sin?
I thought you said gin.
Either way, make mine a double.