@JKNenagh

7: Dad what does this word mean

Me: Bring me a dictionary

*Smack up side the head

Me: Now go google that shit

@JKNenagh

Who the hell invented Bull Riding?

“Hey, I’m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal…Time me!!!”

@JKNenagh

Girls are a lot like oceans,

beautiful

and deep

but once a month

it’s shark week.

@JKNenagh

Policeman:”Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen.

Me: how

Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir

@JKNenagh

I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.

@JKNenagh

Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They’re so warm and cozy, and it’s fun.

* scans the laundromat and guess whose they are.

@JKNenagh

I often worry about the safety of my children … Especially the one who is still awake at midnight and talking back right now.

@JKNenagh

Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too?

Me:If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?

#slapped

@JKNenagh

My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night

@JKNenagh

a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never here the end of it!