7: Dad what does this word mean
Me: Bring me a dictionary
*Smack up side the head
Me: Now go google that shit
Who the hell invented Bull Riding?
“Hey, I’m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal…Time me!!!”
Girls are a lot like oceans,
but once a month
it’s shark week.
Policeman:”Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen.
Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They’re so warm and cozy, and it’s fun.
* scans the laundromat and guess whose they are.
I often worry about the safety of my children … Especially the one who is still awake at midnight and talking back right now.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too?
Me:If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never here the end of it!