Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JRobb773's best tweets

@JRobb773 : I’ll get married when I can find someone who can keep up with me at midnight when I’m wearing my old prom dress and chasing teens around the graveyard.

@JRobb773: Sorry, pal, but you’re not the first guy who has tried to lose me inside a haunted house.

@JRobb773: I hate when I come home from work exhausted and the haunted dolls moved all the furniture two inches to the left.

@JRobb773: Your haunted dolls will promise you they are good at cutting even bangs, but they are not. They. Are. Not.

@JRobb773: Welcome to my bed and breakfast. You have the choice of being buried in the attic or basement. Just kidding! The haunted dolls decide.

@JRobb773: I'm a very honest person except when HR asks if I'm the one trying to weaponize the pigeons outside my office.

@JRobb773: My retirement plan is to live in the cargo hold of a ship and spend all my time convincing the sailors I'm a ghost haunting them.

@JRobb773: Life is full of lovely, unexpected surprises, like watching two pigeons attack this guy on the street for no reason.

@JRobb773: There's nothing you can't achieve with a positive attitude and a cursed doll possessed by a vengeful spirit.