Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of JVarsityCaptain's best tweets

@JVarsityCaptain : Ladies, wonder if he's busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.

@JVarsityCaptain: Coworker: got a second?
Me: you mean the one you just wasted or another one?

@JVarsityCaptain: You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you.

@JVarsityCaptain: I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you.

@JVarsityCaptain: My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!