If I could be any super hero I’d be The Flash, but instead of wearing his costume I’d wear a trench coat. Same name, different purpose.
*angrily detangles self from wind chime*
If I got kidnapped I’d continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I’d die but at least they’d suffer too.
Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago.
Sorry I dropped your baby and tried to catch it with my foot.