@Jake_Vig

“Suez Canal” is now a popular but risky sex move.

@Jake_Vig

[at the supermarket]

“Yes, can you please direct me to your unlicked ice creams?”

@Jake_Vig

NIGHT MAN: You can check out any time you like. But you can never leave.

ME: You’re getting a terrible TripAdvisor review.

@Jake_Vig

ME: *prints a single document

MY PRINTER: *continues to make noises for a month

@Jake_Vig

Will I understand “12 Monkeys” if I didn’t watch the first eleven monkeys?

@Jake_Vig

Every picture tells a story. For example, a lot of people’s story is, “I don’t clean my bathroom.”

@Jake_Vig

Invention idea:

Written versions of audio books.

@Jake_Vig

Seems a lot like 2021 keeps asking, “What would 2020 do?”

@Jake_Vig

History teaches us that there have always been idiots making life hard for everyone else.