My FitBit app says I sleep walked 20 steps last night, glad I was asleep during all that damn exercise.
Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I’m drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.
They always say to follow your gut, that’s why this is my 11th trip to the fridge for another beer.
I don’t know what I drank last night, but the vacuum is stuck on top of the house.
Vodka doesn’t care about your 70’s bush…
When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don’t invite people to my house.