@Jam453Lane

My FitBit app says I sleep walked 20 steps last night, glad I was asleep during all that damn exercise.

@Jam453Lane

Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I’m drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.

@Jam453Lane

They always say to follow your gut, that’s why this is my 11th trip to the fridge for another beer.

@Jam453Lane

I don’t know what I drank last night, but the vacuum is stuck on top of the house.

@Jam453Lane

When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don’t invite people to my house.