I do my best yoga when I’m trying to reach an M&M that rolled under my desk.
Hoping all my fellow North Carolinians are staying safe. Except my 7th grade boyfriend. I hope that dude ends up in China.
Sorry your team lost. Maybe you should’ve told the players what to do more loudly from your recliner.
What if Capri Suns became self-aware and started stabbing us back?
Good morning to everyone except people that sit right beside me when there are lots of other seats open.
Bad news: I think I may have broken my toe. Good news: the smart car I tripped over will be alright.
Ever accidentally turn off your alarm instead of hitting the snooze button and wake up two days later?
He called me an angel but I’m pretty sure he meant angle because I’m always right.
Jesus: Hold my wine!
She gives you butterflies.
She makes your hands sweat.
She sends chills down your spine.
She just gave you her stomach virus.