My dog sure acts tough for an animal whose natural habitat is on the couch under his blankie.
I’ve always wanted a monkey, so I bought one at auction today.
I’ve had him about an hour now.
Anyway….. Monkey for Sale.
If you’re not following me and received this tweet, it’s because someone is smarter than you.
I apologize to everyone that I’ve ever offended.
Just kidding. Could you imagine?
If I win the Powerball, I’m going to make golf illegal.
My ex just followed me on Twitter.
That said:
“Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary.”
*BLOCKED*
If I can’t pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as “bro.”
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I’m in.