Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her
Bartender: Oh yeah?
Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th
A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn’t have cheese on it
Wait couldn’t I just put the che
Mother of god
Me: “I really like this car”
Salesman: “Yeah and it also has a latch in case someone gets stuck in the trunk!”
Me: “Eh, what else ya got?”
The asian girl I’m playing chess against is really hot, you might say she’s worth a…
*puts on sunglasses*
I finally started writing the book on herbs I’ve been putting off for so long, I guess it’s..
:looks directly at the camera:
Haters gonna hate, thermometers gonna thermom