Why is it when you take a break from Twitter everyone assumes you’re happy and in love…
Maybe I was in jail.
How strict is the “I licked it, it’s mine” policy?
There’s some things I’ve licked that I don’t want.
Thank God I wasn’t on twitter when I was in college. It would’ve taken me 65 years to get my degree.
Not to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Me: I’m so over him
Vodka: No you’re not, you should text him
Vodka: Yes! 25 times
After watching Honey Boo Boo, I realize America has much bigger problems than the national debt.