Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of JediGigi's best tweets

@JediGigi : Me: Maybe I’ll go out tonight

Depression: No, you will cry yourself to sleep instead

Anxiety: It’s my turn and I want you to have a full blown panic attack

Stress Eating: Guys, let’s play together

@JediGigi: [during sex]

Can I call my mom? She said this would never happen. Wait-will you call her? Tell her this is happening! She'll believe you.

@JediGigi: [on date]
Him: Honesty is very important. Be upfront about things. We have to trust each other. It's how love works.
Me: I'm Batman.

@JediGigi: Me: I wish I never had to go outside

Me after listening to 10 minutes of NPR: I bet I could milk a goat, for I am so knowledgeable in such things

@JediGigi: Him: This is not what I had in mind when I suggested role play

Me: [in Boba Fett helmet] Shut up and put Captain Solo in the cargo hold

@JediGigi: Ladies, if a man's nice to you, it doesn't mean he wants to sleep with you. It simply means he wants to marry you and raise ponies with you.

@JediGigi: Him: Brunch tomorrow?
Me: No, I'll be asleep.
Him: What time will you be awake?
Me: I don't understand the question.

@JediGigi: Me: I have lots of black pants because they are so versatile and go with everything.

Also, me: I cannot wear that yellow shirt with black pants because I will look like a bumble bee.

@JediGigi: This toddler in line behind me at Target is a fantastic dancer and it's really starting to piss me off.

@JediGigi: "You need some sunlight on that pasty skin of yours"--says my mom as she cures me of social anxiety and crippling depression