@JeffMyspace How does the fire know to exit at those specific doors?
@JeffMyspace @JeffMyspace Today’s spelling lesson:
On the lam: escaping from policeOn the lamb: escaping from life’s woes with a delightful sheep ride
@JeffMyspace Cancelling plans is okay. Having your friend over even though he insulted you is okay. Taking him to your wine cellar to show him your rare Amontadillo is okay. Sealing him in with bricks and entombing him alive is okay. Do what you need to do to cope.
@JeffMyspace Letting your friend have the last mozzarella stick is the ultimate snackrifice
@JeffMyspace When I was growing up I always loved making sandcastles with my grandmother, at least until mom started hiding the urn.
@JeffMyspace Oh, so my credit card company will call if they think there are “suspicious charges” but they won’t call to check on how I’m doing after seeing I went to the same McDonald’s twice in one day?!
@JeffMyspace Whose idea was it to call him Michael Phelps and not Swimothy?
@JeffMyspace Me: I don’t get it, I was just standing here, hard at work
HR: Yes, that was the problem.
@JeffMyspace My biology teacher asked what the function of carbohydrates were, but apparently “filling the deep well of sadness inside of me” was incorrect.
@JeffMyspace A car hit me once, but it was okay because I’m autoimmune