How does the fire know to exit at those specific doors?
Today’s spelling lesson:
On the lam: escaping from police
On the lamb: escaping from life’s woes with a delightful sheep ride
Cancelling plans is okay. Having your friend over even though he insulted you is okay. Taking him to your wine cellar to show him your rare Amontadillo is okay. Sealing him in with bricks and entombing him alive is okay. Do what you need to do to cope.
Letting your friend have the last mozzarella stick is the ultimate snackrifice
When I was growing up I always loved making sandcastles with my grandmother, at least until mom started hiding the urn.
Oh, so my credit card company will call if they think there are “suspicious charges” but they won’t call to check on how I’m doing after seeing I went to the same McDonald’s twice in one day?!
Whose idea was it to call him Michael Phelps and not Swimothy?
Me: I don’t get it, I was just standing here, hard at work
HR: Yes, that was the problem.
My biology teacher asked what the function of carbohydrates were, but apparently “filling the deep well of sadness inside of me” was incorrect.
A car hit me once, but it was okay because I’m autoimmune