@JeffMyspace

Today’s spelling lesson:
On the lam: escaping from police

On the lamb: escaping from life’s woes with a delightful sheep ride

@JeffMyspace

Cancelling plans is okay. Having your friend over even though he insulted you is okay. Taking him to your wine cellar to show him your rare Amontadillo is okay. Sealing him in with bricks and entombing him alive is okay. Do what you need to do to cope.

@JeffMyspace

Letting your friend have the last mozzarella stick is the ultimate snackrifice

@JeffMyspace

When I was growing up I always loved making sandcastles with my grandmother, at least until mom started hiding the urn.

@JeffMyspace

Oh, so my credit card company will call if they think there are “suspicious charges” but they won’t call to check on how I’m doing after seeing I went to the same McDonald’s twice in one day?!

@JeffMyspace

Whose idea was it to call him Michael Phelps and not Swimothy?

@JeffMyspace

Me: I don’t get it, I was just standing here, hard at work

HR: Yes, that was the problem.

@JeffMyspace

My biology teacher asked what the function of carbohydrates were, but apparently “filling the deep well of sadness inside of me” was incorrect.