@JennyPentland

I told my 14yo there’s a muppet who is dealing with drug addiction and he said “they all are. Look at their eyes”

@JennyPentland

Next time you feel like judging someone, remember that the German guy who used Craigslist to find a victim to dismember and cannibalize is a vegetarian now. People CAN change.

@JennyPentland

“When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?”
Yes, son. Love is terrible.
“No Mom, I said LAVA.”
Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

@JennyPentland

I’m teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there’s no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream.

@JennyPentland

“Mommy, I don’t wanna grow up and die!”
“Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really.”

@JennyPentland

10yo: When in doubt, albatrout.
Me: What the hell is albatrout? That’s not real.
10yo: Now you’re in doubt!
Me: But…
10yo: ALBATROUT

@JennyPentland

I wonder if caterpillars know they’re gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like ‘why am I doing this’.

@JennyPentland

Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn’t even been able to figure out in 200 years?