Funny Tweeter

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Page of Jerrypleasure's best tweets

@Jerrypleasure : By the age of 30 you should have 1. $100 in your account 2. a knee pain 3. anxiety 4. back pain

@Jerrypleasure: [first day as a doctor]

me: u have breaked both your legs

patient: damn! so now?

me: we will be putting ur legs in a bowl of rice

@Jerrypleasure: my grandpa got bitten by a spider and he was really upset so i went to get some cream but before i could leave the room i heard him say "at this age i can't handle the responsibility of being a spiderman"

@Jerrypleasure: [at restaurant]

date: i am an old-fashioned lady

[to impress her]

me: *striking stones furiously to light a cigarette*

@Jerrypleasure: [Date]
waiter: what would you like to have?

me: bring a milkshake with two straws

date: *smiles*

me: *puts both the straws in my mouth* look how fast I can drink

@Jerrypleasure: date: omg are you wearing a wig?
me: yeah you got a problem with it?
date: it's not supposed to go on your elbow.

@Jerrypleasure: me: kids are so stupid. they'll do anything for chocolate

wife: if you do the laundry, I'll buy you a snickers

me: done

@Jerrypleasure: date: i am interested in a charming guy

[to impress her]

me [lifts off flute]: awesome, hold this snake