Well well well…if it isn’t the clothes I left in dryer last Sunday.
I’m working from home. But as a bartender.
Is there a way to ask for extra ranch dressing without sounding fat?
I never leave home without my phone charger but I’m always unprepared in every other way.
Waiter: Are you finished?
ME: First of all, there’s still like 3 fries left.
I took one of those DNA tests and found out I am 30% mashed potatoes.
I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life but I never ate candy corn on purpose.
If someone tells me, “no rush” then I’m basically never doing it.
Unless there’s a picture of you getting attacked by a shark, I don’t want to see your vacation pictures.
*Packing for a trip*
Maybe I’ll bring my workout gear. I mean I haven’t worked out in 5 years but I might start on this trip.