@JessObsess

Well well well…if it isn’t the clothes I left in dryer last Sunday.

@JessObsess

Is there a way to ask for extra ranch dressing without sounding fat?

@JessObsess

I never leave home without my phone charger but I’m always unprepared in every other way.

@JessObsess

Waiter: Are you finished?
ME: First of all, there’s still like 3 fries left.

@JessObsess

I took one of those DNA tests and found out I am 30% mashed potatoes.

@JessObsess

I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life but I never ate candy corn on purpose.

@JessObsess

If someone tells me, “no rush” then I’m basically never doing it.

@JessObsess

Unless there’s a picture of you getting attacked by a shark, I don’t want to see your vacation pictures.

@JessObsess

*Packing for a trip*

Maybe I’ll bring my workout gear. I mean I haven’t worked out in 5 years but I might start on this trip.