Everyone who’s ever dated me knows one thing: fire is my weakness. Set my body on fire and it will cause great damage.
Remember: when you kiss someone’s elbow, you’re also kissing the gut of every person they’ve ever elbowed.
The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated.
Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don’t do it in the bathtub.
OK it’s like sure, I’ve MURDERED before. Big deal. Sue me. It’s not like I’m a MURDERER or anything. I only do it socially.
Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish.
The reason God calls all of us his children is so he can claim us all as dependents.
Galadriel told Frodo only he could destroy the ring. Smokey Bear said only YOU can prevent wildfires. Frodo did his job; did you do yours?
Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you’re not microwave-safe.
Mankind has made a lot of mistakes, some of them truly monstrous. The Holocaust. Slavery. Calling it a “corn maze” and not a “maize maze.”