@JohnsonDiaz21

My superpower- Finding shortest checkout line that takes the most time.

@JohnsonDiaz21

People: “You look so unapproachable”
Me: “And yet,here you are”

@JohnsonDiaz21

In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.

@JohnsonDiaz21

A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.