Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Jordan_Morris's best tweets

@Jordan_Morris : I'm sick of these libs telling me I can't say "Happy Honda Days" because I might offend someone who celebrates Toyotathon. So, I guess I'm supposed to wish everyone a "Happy Winter Car Sale"?

@Jordan_Morris: Old video games: "Quick! Kill a bunch of dudes!"
New video games: "Quick! Kill a bunch of dudes... but also, take some time to appreciate how emotionally complex it is to be a parent!"

@Jordan_Morris: To the goth guy in my college dining hall who always ate waffles: I'm sorry I only knew you as "Waffle Goth." You were surely more complex.

@Jordan_Morris: Here's one of the dumbest thoughts I've ever had: I got a coupon for a new car wash place, which was great because my car was really dirty. I noticed that the address was close to my house and thought: "Oh, this is close. Maybe I can just walk?"