My wife dared me to yell out “HURRY UP HAYDEN” at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn.
I’m the guy that lures fragile old ladies into my windowless van at night with Werthers Originals.Then safley escort them to the bingo hall.
Loved that one. Great price & the owner seemed trustworthy
HER: It was next to a sewage plant & he had three eyepatches on
If babies named Todd don’t call themselves “The Toddler” then what’s the point of having a douchebag baby name like Todd?
Walk into a pawn shop with a ponytail & a handlebar mustache & they treat you like Ray Liotta walking thru that restaurant in Goodfellas
cw: 4 is allergic to cats & we have a 9yr old cat at home. Sucks
me: Getting rid of it?
cw: Have to, why?
me: Is cats it’s only defect?
When Granpa revealed an exit wound scar from WWII it gave me strength to show him the owie owie bruise I suffered closing a faulty pizza box
*Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper’s True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*
Congratulations on being hired by Super Cuts & welcome to day 1 training.
Let’s get started
These are called scissors