Apparently ‘gravy’ is not an acceptable answer to the question, “What would you like to drink with your meal?”.
I have a place for everything. The floor.
Don’t have a second child until the first one is old enough to take care of it. Follow me for more parenting hacks.
My mother-in-law doesn’t get migraines. She gives them.
My husband said he wants me to stop drinking and still be in a good mood. So I told him to stop putting gas in the car and still drive.
No coffin for me thanks. I want to be creamated and have my ashes stored in a nice Tupperware container.
My husband booked a hotel room for Valentine’s day. It was wonderful. I had the whole house to myself!
My husband and I have a lot in common. We’re both married to immature people and live in a filthy house.
I told my husband that one of the kids isn’t his. He’s not mine either. He just wandered in one day and never went home.
I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.
My husband says how much he loves my cooking by having poison control on speed dial.
My kids used to get so mad at me for not picking them up after school. But, good mothers don’t drink and drive.
My Ponds Vanishing cream disappeared.
Inflation has gotten so bad, the 7-Eleven changed its name to the 9-Thirteen.
I had a big wedding and I’ve birthed three children so there are a lot of fond memories. The two I cherish most are the day I got my iPhone and the day the new liquor store opened up on the corner.